Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you traded sex for a burrito?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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