apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
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Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
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He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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