i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize