I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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