also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
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the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
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You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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