Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
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I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
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I just sucked dick on a ferry
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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