he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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