he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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