does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
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I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
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Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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