at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize