god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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