This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
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I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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