is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
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Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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