covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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