Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize