I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
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Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
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And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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