brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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