Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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