Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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