oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
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It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
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That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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