I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
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I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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