I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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