my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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