I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
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Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
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Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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