I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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