she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize