i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
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Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
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i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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