He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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