FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
a search helicopter?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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