Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
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I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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