The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize