Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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