We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
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Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
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The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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