just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just had sex on a roof
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize