Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Randomize