sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize