If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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