Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i drank out of a bidet.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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