I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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