just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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