I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize