I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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