3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize