ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize