bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
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We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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