Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
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Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
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In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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