Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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