she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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