Betty ford says i'm here all night
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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