I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We are all done wearing pants today
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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