i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
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I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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